Livejournal, you sack of shit. When Russian hackers were taking down your servers like lines of dominoes in a hurricane with DDos attacks, I stood by you, I stood up for you! I said: "free speech is fucking important, keep on LJ, because Russians gotta have LJ too." And what do you do, you turn around and unleash a massive update that makes comments a horrible fucking mess. Yeah, I'll probably suck it up and continue to put my e-penis in you, but I have a massive e-rage over this. At least give us the ability to have the old way back! Or some sort of fucking input in this bitch.
I mean, we've been together so long, you and I, that we're pretty much e-married. This is like if I took our life savings, and instead of getting you that life saving surgery I went and spent the money on hookers and blow, and then did them all in front of you, killed the hookers, and framed you for it. You wouldn't like that, would you? Hey, at least in prison you'd probably get that surgery, right? Right?
But I wouldn't do that to you, LJ, baby. You wanna know why? Because I've got class, and because I love you too much. I'm sorry that sometimes I get mad and that I stay out late drunk commenting, maybe looking for icons in other places. Looking for those delicious little 100 x 100 pictures for my journals, I gotta problem, baby, you know that, I know that, but I can stop, really I can, I can change! You gotta know, cutie, while I may stray I'm always thinking of you, Boo. ALWAYS. You and I, we got something special, and I don't want that to go away. So why don't you go back to the way it used to be, and you and me, we can cuddle. I'll do that thing you like in bed, and I promise I'll stop eating cookies and clipping my toenails in bed. What do you say, gurl, our love is real.
Also: I'm sorry I called your mom a whore bitch ass, I was drunk, and sometimes I get crazy.
Also: Also: I don't really think your ass looks fat in those pants. Gurl you know that's just the Henney talking. Shit get crazy.
Also x 3: The hookers and blow thing is not necessarily an apt metaphor for what you did to me, and it's filled with hyperbole but I love me some posts about hookers and blow. I'M JUST BEING ME.